15 Behaviors That Reveal the Mean Side of People Who Seem Nice
While some individuals may be kind and friendly, underlying behaviors can sometimes reveal a mean-spirited nature. Awareness of these behaviors can help discern the true nature of such individuals, fostering a more authentic understanding of interpersonal dynamics.
According to the Mental Health Association of East Tennessee, 84% of women and 75% of men report having been in a toxic friendship. Here are 15 behaviors that reveal the mean side of people who seem nice.
Using Flattery to Manipulate
This behavior often stems from a desire to control or exert influence over others, driven by underlying selfish motives. Manipulative individuals use excessive praise to gain trust or favor, only to exploit this advantage for personal gain.
According to Evolution Counseling, nine times out of ten, the true motivation of flattery is not to sing your praises but to compel you to do something.
Deliberately Forgetting
Deliberately forgetting is a passive-aggressive behavior in which individuals consciously ignore or “forget” information and tasks. It is a subtle form of manipulation or control without confrontation.
According to Science Direct, passive-aggressive individuals might deliberately lose or forget something or show up late to meet someone they are angry with.
Making You Feel Guilty
This behavior is typically used to control or influence someone’s actions by leveraging guilt for personal gain. The intention behind inducing guilt is to exert control over another person by appealing to their sense of obligation or responsibility.
Communicating openly and assertively with the person employing guilt tactics can mitigate their impact.
Feigning Innocence
In the act, a person acts ignorantly or unawarely toward the harm they’re inflicting to avoid taking responsibility and confrontation. This kind of manipulation is meant to serve the personal interests of those who are manipulating and neglect the interests of others.
Requesting transparency and establishing personal boundaries can assist in disassembling the facade and foster more truthful interactions.
Playing the Victim
This behavior results from a person deliberately portraying themselves as the injured party in different instances to gain sympathy, use others to get what they want, or cover the blame.
This is done to constrain the manipulator to a dynamic of control or impunity. Therefore, it’s best to keep room in one’s head for rationality and not get sucked into their emotional narrative.
Gaslighting
Fundamentally, gaslighting consists of distorting reality to make the victim doubt all he or she remembers. This tendency grows gradually, from subtle comments or actions to more pervasive manipulation.
Jotting down events and feelings can bring someone back to clarity and confidence in their perceptions.
Backhanded Compliments
Backhanded compliments are remarks that appear to be compliments but simultaneously convey an insult or negative sentiment. On most occasions, they are rooted in insecurity, jealousy, or a subliminal need to dominate in a civilized way.
One good tactic is to ask for clarification, which may cause the compliment giver to stop and consider what the words really mean.
Gossiping or Talking Behind Your Back
This behavior can stem from jealousy, insecurity, or the desire to fit into social circles where such actions are normalized. Psychologically, gossip can create a false sense of importance for the person engaging in it.
It momentarily elevates their status by shifting attention away from their flaws. According to Science Direct, 65% of human conversations involve self-disclosure or discussions concerning absent third parties.
Turning Conversations Back to Themselves
These people keep churning topics until they can relate them to their experiences or achievements. This implies wanting to keep charge in the conversation and focus on themselves.
Forbes reports that conversational narcissists tend to talk as much as they can about themselves. They often interrupt or ignore someone else.
Passive-Aggressive Behavior
Passive-aggressive behavior uses indirect reactions, using actions instead of words to express hostility. As revealed by HR Brew, 44% of workers admit to being passive-aggressive.
When dealing with the behavior, we should do so calmly and assertively. We should also uphold the importance of discussing grievances openly.
Sabotaging Your Success
Often, you can detect it in others when they try to disparage the achievements or work of others because of jealousy, insecurity, or the need for control. They might give you misleading advice, fail to tell you what you need to know, or subtly put you down if you achieve anything.
In response, you may seek help from colleagues or mentors who are not afraid to provide you with objective feedback and a bit of stroke to your accomplishments.
Disguised Criticism
Often, disguised criticism might be backhanded compliments or passive-aggressive comments. Sometimes, this behavior is a sign of underlying insecurity or envy, and people are more likely to backstab someone while outwardly still seeming friendly.
Creating clear boundaries and open communication with the person involved can prevent further incidents.
Making You Feel Small
This behavior reflects the words and actions of trying to bring a person’s confidence or self-worth down. It may appear as backhanded compliments, dismissive gestures, or verbal forms of teasing that seem innocent but have an underground meaning of hostility.
A good network of friends, colleagues, or mentors will help combat negative influences.
Judging Others Discreetly
It is when people pass comments or opinions on the actions or circumstances of others without speaking out. It’s usually shown in their subtle actions or attitudes.
Open communication channels and the ability to practice some degree of self-awareness tend to diffuse tension and hone in on a more truthful exchange.
Constantly One-Upping You
It may manifest as interrupting someone to tell a more impressive story or dismissing someone else’s achievements by comparing them to your larger achievements. This competitive tendency may come from insecurity or the desire to be ahead of everyone else.
In this case, if you don’t want to engage in competitive exchange, politely redirect the conversation or assert your perspective.
Disclaimer – This list is solely the author’s opinion based on research and publicly available information.
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