17 Phrases Commonly Used by People Who Are Really Difficult To Be Around
Everyone, at work, home, and even socially, has people we find particularly difficult to live with. According to the American Psychiatric Association, an estimated 9 percent of U.S. adults have at least one personality disorder. People with difficult personalities also speak a language that annoys, confounds, and can alienate others.
If we learn these phrases, we can better deal with difficult people and reflect on our communication habits to create better relationships.
I’m Just Being Honest
Honesty is admirable, but when people use this term, it comes before or after something wry, critical, or insensitive. People who often tell themselves, “I’m just being honest,” can use this as a cover to say negative things. It can turn harmful because being transparent without care can destroy the relationship.
For a backstop, you could applaud the truthfulness and let the message maker know how you felt about its passage, opening the door for better dialogue.
You Always/You Never
Data shows productive discussion decreases when the absolute words “always” and “never” are employed. These words overstate the case and make the other party feel they were unfairly convicted.
It’s a language that breeds defensiveness and hampers open dialogue and problem-solving. One way to curb this is to address events rather than broad generalizations and discuss things more in-depth.
I’m Not Here to Argue
Interestingly, this sentence is frequently the first argument. Even if the speaker is trying not to conflict, he or she may say, ‘Oh, no!‘ The Harvard Negotiation Project explains that communication is all about tolerating disagreement but not becoming heated.
This phrase closes communication, making it impossible to get things done. Promoting the attitude of ‘know better’ rather than ‘win’ can remove arguments from the table.
It’s Just a Joke
The Psychological Bulletin reports how troublesome people can use humor to bring down others in the name of comedy.
This expression is often abused to absolve others of blame for offensive or unwelcome language. It can lead to the dissolution of trust.
Whatever
“Whatever” is a dismissive term that reflects an uninterestedness in fixing something. A University of Arizona communication study states that dismissive language is among the top causes of communication breakdowns.
It shows that they’re indifferent and uninterested in a good discussion. Repeating “whatever” perpetuates the same issues, which can break relationships.
You’re Overreacting
To downplay someone’s experience by shaming them as an overreaction is to erase it. The National Institutes of Health points out that invalidation is also used extensively in conflicting exchanges and will likely not be heard by the target.
This saying disregards feelings and can lead to emotional spikes. It produces a hierarchy in which one’s emotion is regarded as more logical or authentic than the other’s. By treating the exchange as a conversation in which you show empathy and provide information, you can validate emotions and find common ground.
We’ll See
“We’ll see” is usually a nice “no,” but it keeps things open-ended and frustrating. This can be an inactive way to avoid trouble or commitments. It’s a skewed and often snobbish language.
It breeds wishful thinking or leaves judgment open.
It also loses credibility if used over time. If you follow up with straightforward questions, you can understand the intentions and obtain a more specific answer.
Calm Down
When you tell someone to calm down, it’s almost always ineffective and gets the opposite response.
According to a study published in the International Journal of Business Communication, this term is perceived as condescending and arrogant.
It’s Fine
“Fine” has many inbuilt associations. It can signify complacency or indifference, and the issues are left unmet.
Using “it’s fine” when it isn’t will create more problems—minor problems that will become more significant problems. Communication can be healthier if you allow open and honest discussions about root causes.
I Don’t Care
This term sounds indifferent but usually refers to more substantial dissatisfaction. Apathy is sometimes the manifestation of emotionally untreated problems. It signals not having a stake in the relationship or event, which is highly damaging.
Practicing extensively can make the other person feel unimportant or less valued. Asking why people seem indifferent can help us identify more profound issues.
That’s Impossible
Such fixed facts are poison to creativity and problem-solving. Possibilities-barrier language blocks creativity and innovation. It kills any possibility of solution or compromise and closes dialogue up.
This is an attitude; encouraging creativity and intelligent thinking can turn the impossible into the possible.
You Should Have
Messages that start with “you should have” are accusatory. A study in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology shows how this language promotes defensiveness and guilt. It suggests fault and is past rather than future-oriented.
Such a retrospective orientation is difficult to rectify in the future. Using a more cooperative language, like “next time, let’s try,” makes things much friendlier.
You Can’t
As the Harvard Business Review puts it, empowering words bring innovation and better results in the business world. Swapping “you can’t” for “how can we” will help create a partnership.
I’ll Do It Later
Procrastination is the enemy of productivity; this phrase can be its anthem. It also means projects never get done, which results in frustration and poor outcomes. Making deadlines and priorities comprehensible can make “later” feel like now.
It’s Not My Problem
Denial is a hallmark of challenging people. It implies no ownership or responsibility and can be a source of tension.
This term divides people and dilutes the team. Encouragement of joint accountability and cooperation can fill in the blanks and bring solidarity.
Why Don’t You Just
Often used as a request, “why don’t you just” feels unwelcoming. It presupposes a one-size-fits-all approach to an unknown problem.
This phrase can make the other person’s difficulty seem small, causing things to fall through the cracks. Understanding what’s happening and being supportive can help you work on the problem more efficiently.
If You Loved Me
Lines that start with “If you loved me” can also play tricks on us, leading to unhealthy relationships. According to the American Psychological Association, emotional control causes addiction and resentment. It conditions affection or love, and this results in insecurity.
These words can rig feelings and lead to power plays in the relationship. To foster healthy relationships, ensure an open discussion about needs and boundaries.
Knowing these words and their meaning can make a difference in dealing with tricky people. If we see these patterns in ourselves and others, we can develop healthier, more compassionate communication.
Observe your words and how they make people feel to enhance the conversation and your connection. Read more books on how to be a good communicator, such as “Nonviolent Communication” by Marshall Rosenberg.
Disclaimer – This list is solely the author’s opinion based on research and publicly available information.
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